Peace in the present…

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

―Lao Tzu

I have a problem with this quote. As someone who has lived through difficult situations I can say, from first hand experience, that you are very much in the present and definitely not feeling peaceful when faced with stress, problems and challenges. I will talk more about this in a moment.

Let’s take a look at this quote starting at the beginning…

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.” This certainly can be true in some cases. For example our thoughts about the past, perceived mistakes and failures and even the grief of loved ones or dreams lost can leave us feeling the sadness and despair of depression. When we spiral into negative thinking, this can lead to depression. There is also depression from our brain chemistry, which has nothing to do with our past or our negative thinking. Though negative thinking and ruminating on our past do tend to make depression worse if your brain is chemically prone to it. So, if you read this quote and get a knot in your stomach like I did, there is nothing wrong with you, you just intuitively know that it is not necessarily true and does not tell the whole story of depression.

“If you are anxious you are living in the future.” This I can agree with to a certain extent. Anxiety is triggered by those ‘what if’ thoughts, worries and the unknown of the future. Anxiety can also be triggered by memories of traumatic past experiences flooding our nervous system with fight or flight reactions without our conscious consent. We have to keep in mind that Lao Tzu lived in a time that did not have the scientific knowledge of the brain and mental health as we do now. So just as depression isn’t necessarily just us stuck in the past, anxiety isn’t always our worries about the future.

Now let’s take a closer look at the last part of this quote.

“If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

This one really makes me go um yeah right, were you just diagnosed with a brain aneurysm? Is your dog peeing blood right now? Are you sitting in the hospital with your mom? Are you stuck in a toxic job that is sucking out your soul. Not so peaceful in this present moment is it?

So, I think we can agree that the present moment can be not so peaceful. In these moments of struggle how do we manage, how do we find peace? Mindfulness can help us through it. Self care. Creativity. Journaling. Affirmations. Meditation. Listening to positive, peaceful music. Nature. Our pets. Our family. Our friends. A great therapist or life coach. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling in the difficult moments, recognized that it is painful, you are hurt, or worried or scared, or just plain sad. Recognizing and being aware of your feelings in the moment is an amazing mindfulness skill. It’s not fun but by being aware and recognizing your feelings you can help yourself through it, without it turning into depression and anxiety.

Ok, you are thinking, so I recognize that this situation sucks and I am sad and angry, now what?!

This is where you use those skills that you know bring you to a calmer more peaceful space.

Journaling, talking to a support person, walking, play with your pets, making art or music, meditating, breathing into it, listening to peaceful, calming music. Take a moment and think about what calms you? Write it down. Call it your, Ways I can Feel Calmer in Crappy Situations, list. Have it in front of you as a reminder that yeah, life is hard sometimes but there are ways that can help me feel calmer and more peaceful in this difficult moment. So, maybe Lao Tzu was onto something after all. Living in the present may not always be peaceful but we can mindfully take action to help ourselves find more peace and calm in the here and now.

Image of examples of ways to feel calm in stressful situations.